57 Varieties?

Over lunch today, I looked at a bottle of Heinz ketchup. “57 Varieties”, that’s the Heinz company slogan.

What a weird slogan. It says nothing about the quality of their products, only the quantity. It doesn’t particularly make me want to buy it. It’s just kind of a boring, uninspiring non-slogan. Yet, Heinz has been dutifully renewing their trademark registration on it all this time.

Just let the trademark lapse, guys. What’s the worst that could happen? You think your competitors will steal it? Unlikely. It’s too silly for anyone but you to bother with. If anything, they’d be more likely to one-up it. “E.D. Smith: 58 Varieties!”

I guess “57” Sauce was the last variety they created before that slogan. Are we supposed to believe they’ve created no new products since then? Clearly not, we know they’ve been busy. They must have developed thousands of varieties by now.

Maybe they just mean that they have 57 varieties at any one moment in time. So, when they create a new variety, they stop making some old one. What product could have been so bad that they would stop selling it to make room for Purple Ketchup? Maybe it was their Cranberry-Spinach Relish (variety #14). I loved that stuff. I will miss it.

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