God dammit, I hate spammers!

I have a default forwarding rule on my domain, which has the effect that any email sent to any address at all, at my domain, will come to me. I do that so that whenever I have to give my email to some CompanyA, I can give them “companyA?thegatesofdawn?ca” (change ‘?’ to you-know-what.) Then if that company ever sells my address to a spammer, I can easily block it, and I’ll know who betrayed my trust. So far, that’s never actually happened.

But lately, somewhere out there in the world, some worthless, good-for-nothing, shit-for-brains spammer has started spamming people using random forged “From” addresses at my domain. He’s done two spam runs that way, once on Dec. 24, and again yesterday.

Every time this useless piece of shit does this, my mailbox gets bombed with thousands of bounces. Even though he’s using all random “From” address, I get every one of the bounces, because of the default forwarding rule.

I swear to God, if I had the power to erase every last fucking spammer from the face of the earth with just a snap of my fingers, I would do it. And not feel the slightest twinge of guilt. I would even look them in the eye, say “you are a fucking spammer”, and do it. Spamming demonstrates a complete and utter lack of even the smallest consideration for your fellow man. They are evil people. I’m pretty confident if these asshats were somehow prevented from spamming, they’d find something else at least as evil to do. Rob convenience stores, torture small animals, become an executive at the next Enron, whatever. These people are useless wastes of oxygen, we don’t need them. They are worth less to the world than the monetary value of the chemicals their bodies are made of.

Now, I suppose it’s possible that some small number of spammers might realize the error of their ways, turn around and make some kind of valuable contribution. Write a great novel, win the Nobel price in physics, or something. I know some of them must actually be fairly talented computer programmers, though unfortunately warped and twisted by the Dark Side.

But I’m prepared to take that chance. I would kill every last one of them anyway. With or without that hypothetical valuable contribution, the world will find a way to continue. Even if Einstein had been run over by a carriage in childhood, the world would still have found a way. I feel quite comfortable giving up the unknown hypothetical future benefits that reformed spammers might give us, in exchange for the very real immediate and lasting benefit that would come from sending every last one of them straight to Hell.

That’s how I really feel. If only I had the power.

2 Responses to “God dammit, I hate spammers!”

  • Welcome to my world. As the primary email admin for a relatively large company, this is a problem I have to cope with an an *almost* daily basis… and I say “almost” only because we employ a high-end spam filter that often can be left alone to its own devices.

    So yeah… I wouldn’t mind a few minutes alone in a closed room with a known spammer and a stockpile of tinned meat. (Death by Spam sounds appropriate to me.)

    As just a bit of trivia… there’s an interesting distinction between the “Spammer” – the one who orchestrates the process and the “Spammer” who actually sends the email. The latter is, funny enough, quite innocent and oblivious. (Although perhaps should also be beaten non-fatally about the head with a cooked spam for a few minutes.) I speak of all the morons out there with compromised windows boxes. Most spam these days comes from the army of “zombied” boxes which are out there – compromise machines that silently wait until they’re told to send the next spam. And the programs behind it are just choosing random “From” addresses. I’m sure these low-lifes are sharing those lists so you’ll continue to have the pleasure of the bounces. Imagine being the captain at the helm for *several* such domains. I filter the stuff. If the originating MTA is not ours, and it’s a Non-Delivery Notification (NDN) I throw it off to a date-named folder that is rotated out of existence pretty regularly. I seldom want/need to look at it. It’s the best I can do. :/

    I hope that helps. And let me know if you ever attain that power. I want to *watch* (and photograph) you snapping your fingers. It’ll make my job a bunch easier and FAR simpler.

  • How do they do that, used forged from addresses that way. I had the same thing happen to me awhile back, and it was really frustrating, annoying, and totally reprehensible. I got the bounces, but how about all those people who actually got the emails from “me,” but not from “me.” That’s even worse. Now there are folks out there who think I’m the spammer. And there ain’t nothing I can do about it.

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