Archive for the 'Funny' Category

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Mmmm… whey

Our coops at work finished their term today. One of them left a big bucket of that Super-Mega-Beefcake Ultra-Weightgainer Protein Shake crap for some reason. I was reading the label text, and finding some considerable amusement therein.

“When it comes to picking the perfect protein to support optimal muscle growth and peak performance, you don’t need a bunch of marketing hype and empty promises.”

Ok, fair enough. So, let’s have it… and no marketing hype, right?

“… It also means that the greatest possible concentration of bioactive microfractions is preserved. These microfractions are vital for promoting whey protein’s famed immune enhancing effects.”

Whoa… bioactive microfractions. Not your ordinary garden-variety microfractions… we’re talking bioactive microfractions. And that isn’t just marketing hype.

So, ummm, what is a microfraction anyway? Is that, like, a millionth of a fraction?

Muh!

Today we cleaned out the fridge. Many bits of nasty old leftovers, all flushed down the garbage disposal. Found a large chunk of lasagna that neither of us would dare to eat. I pushed it into the disposal in two fairly large chunks. With the disposal turned on and water running in, I heard a pop and suddenly felt something wet on my feet.

Lo and behold, disgusting water is pouring out of the cupboard doors and onto the floor below the disposal!

The drain pipe clogged up, and the pressure from the garbage disposal blew a compression fitting apart. My cupboard was sprayed on every surface with a disgusting mess of ground-up moldy old lasagna and other even older things I couldn’t identify. It was pouring out on the floor, getting everywhere. And it looked, I swear to God, exactly like puke… an inhumanly large volume of puke, all over the walls of the cupboard and the kitchen floor.

As I slowly sponged it all up into a bucket, I knew in my head that it wasn’t actually puke… but my stomach still wasn’t none to happy. In such a situation, sympathetic puke becomes a distinct possibility. Fortunately, it didn’t happen.

Christmas song for cat-lovers

On the first day of Christmas my kitty gave to me
A poop in the box

On the second day of Christmas my kitty gave to me
Two lumps of urine
And a poop in the box

On the third day of Christmas my kitty gave to me
Three slimy hairballs
Two lumps of urine
And a poop in the box

Ok, that’s all I’ve got.

Hmm… just realized that I based the last line of each verse (“And a poop…”) on the somewhat non-standard metre of the Bob and Doug McKenzie version (“And a beer… in a tree.”)

Funny warning tag

Marcos at work bought a paper-shredder. The kind with a shredding head that sits on top of a basket. Attached to the basket was this warning tag:

Funny Warning Tag

Anything seem weird about this to you? That’s all the tag says. Just “remove this tag”. Nothing else.

The question is this: why couldn’t they just remove the tag at the factory, and save us the trouble? And here’s a way to cut costs: don’t attach or even print the tag in the first place!

Perhaps the corporate legal department declared that products must have more warning tags to ward off lawsuits. Like the way ladders and extension cords are positively festooned with the bloody things these days. I always tear them off… averting my eyes, of course, to avoid inadvertently reading one.

Mmmm… salsa

Is salsa dancing like mud wrestling? That would be cool.

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