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啥叫花钱买罪受

花钱买罪受,除了我现在正在经历的套牙箍活动,还有一件印象深刻的,当属jet boat tours on niagra falls.
那一年的夏天,我们去了niagara on the lake。  刚住下的那晚,老公求婚了。 第二天,老公建议去玩这个jet boat,说这是当地一项有名的旅游项目。虽然经过一晚的激动,我没有睡好,不过我还在兴奋着呢,想都没想,就答应了。 谁知,这喝牛奶长大的,和喝泡饭长大的,还是有本质区别的。 这项对喝牛奶长大的人来说比较刺激的活动, 对于我来说,几乎是要了我的小命了。

到了活动地点,看到有两种船, 一种是有玻璃罩的,人坐在里面是不会给弄湿的。 一种是露天的。这有玻璃罩的船好像没有什么生意,大伙儿都排队上这露天的船。排到我们了,工作人员问,要坐后排么? 我不太理解,因为没有啥人坐在后排,大伙都拥挤在前几排。 后来工作人员又说了什么,是关于坐前三排的。 我根本没有听清楚,问了Ron要坐哪儿,Ron也没说出个所以然。 于是不知死活地坐了第三排靠船边的位置,好看风景么。 开船了,船长说,我们将亲历Niagara falls 的rapids,如果任何人在游程中感到不适,将手放到头顶上,他在后面就知道了。 我本就有点怕水,听他这么一说,有点发怵。 往四周一看,周围坐的都是些活蹦乱跳的青少年。 往后排一看,都是些年纪偏大的人坐那儿。 顿感不妙,有点想爬出去换座位。但是船差不多都满员了。  而且这座位陷的挺深的。 挪动实是不便。 罢了罢了,上了贼船了。不过心中还是存有侥幸心理,一路上,船快速地行驶在Niagara river上,冷不丁船长来了个急转,大伙儿欢快起来。 我想,就这个,我能够handle.   没想,这只是个预演罢了。

正在观赏两岸风景,听导游介绍,哪边是美国的领地,哪边是加拿大的领地。  一晃眼间,船长说我们已经进入河流湍急地段。 前方有个rapids,深达几米几米。 定睛一看,这rapids并不是那么可怕。看上去顶多也就是一米的落差。  只听一声:“here it comes!” 说时迟,那时快, 只见几米高的大浪排山倒海而来。 我还没有来得及惊讶于这般大浪从哪儿来的,就被劈头盖脑地浇透了。 我顿时傻了。不知是水浪的压力还是这股尼亚加拉冰凉的河水, 头开始嗡嗡地疼。 四周的人都开始惊呼刺激,欢呼雀跃,包括Ron.  我开始有点自卑起来。没有吭声,心想这就完事了,回去了。 哪知这才是开始,船长又说了,在进入rapids的时候,不要把嘴张开,以防吞进鱼儿 — 我们原来是往水底里钻。 接着是第二个rapids,周围的大呼再来再来。 我跟Ron说,”This is terrible!” 于是我两换了座,他坐到了船边。 可这并没有什么帮助,一个一个的rapids,对于我来说,就象是在经历一场酷刑, 坚持,再坚持。 不知过了多久,只听船长说,我们将要进入的下一个rapids是这一带最深的,曾经有一个游客摔入这个rapids,然后就消失了,再也没有找到。 然后问大伙有没有准备好进入这个rapids, 大伙兴奋地犹如打了鸡血。 我终于忍无可忍了,把手放在了头顶上,还是保住小命要紧。  哪知这船长好似没有看到,一股脑儿的向rapids冲去。。。

终于熬到了返程。 下船了, 见码头上还有一长串人在排队。  我失魂落魄地犹如经历了一场生死劫难。 听到有同船的游客在向排队的人们警告此游程如何变态,conclude原来并非只有我一人没有enjoy the ride。 Anyway, I was really happy it was finally over, and I walked out of that boat alive.

直到现在,Ron还唠叨着要再去玩这个jet boat,可他也知道打死我,我也不会再上这个贼船了。

丹尼断奶记 — 第三天

7点,丹尼起床。 我发现他的眼睛里有一些分泌物,我也没有多想,认为是他临睡哭时, 流的眼泪。  丹尼今天去托儿所。

傍晚,daddy把宝贝接回。 告知,老师说,丹尼的眼睛有很多的分泌物。 一看小宝,无精打采,眼角好多分泌物。 顿知情形不妙。  宝贝肯定是病了。 一把抱起来,果不如其然,身体有些发烫。 老娘我悔恨交加,小宝平日抵抗力不错(knock on wood),这一断奶,可把我的宝贝给折腾坏了。 

结果可想而知,历时两天的断奶暂告段落,断奶这等对宝宝来言如此残酷之事,还得先有个好身体才行。

不知是宝贝本来病的也不重,还是母乳的神奇功效。 也就一两天的功夫,丹尼马上又恢复了元气,活蹦乱跳起来。

June 23rd

When I read miserable stories of earthquakes, besides feeling terrible for the people suffering from the ruthless natural disasters, I always think, living on a flat land like Ontario, Canada, there may be tornadoes.  But the chances of getting earthquakes are supposed to be almost 0.

But my first live earthquake experience was in Ontario, right at my current home.  Afternoon past 1:30pm, I got home after a nice lunch with Ron, and was surfing internet on our dining table.  Suddenly I felt the house shake.  My first reaction to this was that someone or something was in our basement and shaking our house.  The thought of some stranger hiding in our house haunts me all the time.  I got very scared.  Then before I had time to make decision if I should go to check the basement or not, the second wave came.  It was stronger than the first one and it actually made me nauseous.  I am quite anemic so I get dizzy easily sometimes.  But how come, this is the first time I feel so sick when I am sitting!! I almost concluded that I was sick enough to have a hallucination… and became even more scared.  Then I turned my head, I saw the pillar in the middle of our living room was shaking in front of my eyes.  Then I heard rattling sound from Ron’s bottle rack on the bar.  I looked at it, and saw the liquid in the bottles was jumping.  Then I realized it was not me.  Could this be an earthquake?

Seconds later, everything was calm again.  I went to pick up the phone and called Ron right away.  He sounded so convinced that it was an earthquake!  Although he himself didn’t feel it.  Wow, how numb can he be to not to feel that!!

 

 

Danny has been singing “yi ga ga di you” for months.  When he sings that, it is just that short sentence, nothing more.  We could never figure out what exactly he was singing.  We couldn’t get any clue from his lyrics but the melody didn’t ring a bell either.

Today at bath time, Danny sang that again.  Ron suddenly said, “Is it possible that it is the happy birthday song?”  Danny must have been experiencing many birthday parties in his class already and the melody and the part of the “lyrics” does match perfectly.

We went to the tub and sang “Happy birthday to you” to Danny, he looked up at us, and followed quietly, “cake?”… bingo!  We all laughed.

Cookie?

After Danny enjoyed cookies several times, before every meal Danny always insists on having cookies. Then we have to do some negotiations and distractions, so at least he will have several bites of his dinner before he gets what he wants.

One day at dinner time, strangely, Danny seemed to forgot about cookies.  We settled him down in his seat and all of us started to have dinner.  Danny was especially cooperative and quietly working on his dinner.  I feel relaxed when Danny is willing to eat on his own and nothing is better than to see your boys enjoy your cooking.

“I think I am getting better at cooking now!”  I said proudly.  Suddenly, Danny broke his silence.  Quietly as if he was reminding me of something, he said “Cookie….”  Oh no, here it comes!

I sort of reminded him of the word “cookie” by saying “cooking”.  I was worried that the peaceful dinner would be ruined and was angry at myself for not choosing my words more carefully. 

I looked at Danny and said firmly, “Mommy was talking about cookING, not cookie!” 

Danny looked at me, a bit confused, I think, then returned to his dinner afterwards.  What a relief!  I said to myself, “how scary, I am really lucky this time!”

趣事两件

从国内买来一大摞烹饪书籍.  心想做菜虽然是一种需要想象力和创造力的工作,就算我没有天赋,依样画葫芦总是没有问题的吧。 顶多多实践练习几次,总会成功的。  不动脑筋的实践和练习,我在行的呀。

闲来翻阅,看到一道虎皮青椒,做法直截了当。 用的也是一些大众化的调料。 想到妈妈也曾做过给我,味道确实不错。 就把这个菜放在心上了。

在新城买菜,忽见一盒辣椒,形状酷似菜谱里的辣椒。 窃喜,拿过来一看,标注“fruit&veggie”,写了如同没写。 仔细端摹,就是它了。 回家, 开始按照菜谱所示,去籽,切段,煸炒。 一切顺利。 一看这锅里的辣椒长得越来越象菜谱上画得了。 关火,迫不及待地先尝为快。 一筷下去,还没嚼出味道,又接着一筷。  瞬间,感觉有点不对劲。 两块辣椒下肚,怎么感觉食道里有股烟跑出来了。然后舌头和整个口腔开始灼热的发疼。 我这才意识到,这辣椒是辣的,确切地说,是巨辣的。

几微秒钟后,我的心跳跳的巨快,全身血脉扩张。 几秒钟后,我已围绕着我们家的living room转了n圈了。 几十秒钟后,我已喝了n杯水了。 可是这种难受的感觉非但没有平和下来,反而愈演愈烈。 我想这样下去,我大概快要死了吧。 回想一下,确实读到过新闻,说有人参加了什么吃辣椒比赛,然后猝死的。 我在想是不是要打911了。 转念一想,还是先打给老公? 又一想, 我还想见一下我的宝贝儿子。。。这想着想着,我往嘴里放了几块冰块,手里攥紧了手机,坐到了电脑前。 又往嘴里加了两次冰块,终于平静了下来。

晚饭时,我端上了这盘辣椒,向老公叙述了我的悲惨遭遇。 告诉老公,dare you try it!  老公一向比我能吃辣。 听了我的经历,也不禁小心翼翼。  挑出一块,只咬了一口,就起身给自己倒了一杯冰牛奶, 喝完。 又唏嘘了好一阵, 拒绝再碰一下那盘虎皮青椒。  不一会儿,我的双手的皮肤开始灼热,定是自己处理那辣椒的后果。  è¿™”fruit&veggie”简直就是一个bomb呀。

趣事二:

丹尼说话越来越多了。 现在又说又跳,还老跟你对着干。 感觉他是个大孩子了。 应该懂事了。 可是时不时,他也做出些让人哭笑不得的事情。 让我意识到,其实他才两岁半还不到。 对他的保护和监督以及容忍,还是一刻不能松懈。 这做妈妈的,可真难啊。

晚间,丹尼的bath time.  总算把他放入浴缸。 看着他在浴缸里玩耍,自娱自乐。 心想终于有个break,想起自己水还没喝上一口。  告知老公“I go get a glass of water”.  老公应允,坐在隔壁一房也正利用难得的机会休息。

到了厨房,倒上一杯水,发觉电话上有个voice message在等待。  正聆听到一半,老公笑嘻嘻地跑出,要我去看丹尼做了什么。 心想他在浴缸里能做什么? 就这么会儿功夫。  狐疑地跟去。  只见丹尼站在浴缸里看着我们,离浴缸不远的地砖上,以十厘米左右的间隔,呈现着三团大便。 我惊叫:”What, what did you do, Danny?”  老公说,”I heard some strange noises so I came to check…”  我心想我前面还在发愁丹尼今天怎么没有poo poo, 原来在这等着呢。 丹尼还不知道要告诉我们他要大便,可他可能也意识到自己不该跟大便粘在一块儿, 所以他决定把它们都扔了出来。  真是哭笑不得。 我对Ron说:”Why don’t you clean it?  Why do you wait for me?”  “Because you are the mother.”  厥倒。 这做妈的,真是不易。 女孩子们,没做妈之前,好好享受生活,好好“压榨“一下你的老公。 以后,你就是任劳任怨的命了。

今早上,丹尼兴冲冲地告诉我,有poo poo。  我大喜,赶快把他放到potty上,可惜他是事后通知,poo poo 已经出来了,粘在腿上,potty上,害我好一阵清洗。  不过,至少这是一种进步吧, 慢慢来。

I think I officially lost my Chinese citizenship today– as of April 16th, 2010

During my maternity leave after Danny was born, we were thinking to go to Australia to visit my sister.  But we didn’t make it for various reasons.  One of them is,  as a Chinese passport holder, I had to apply for a visa basically everywhere I go.   I was too tired of this visa shit and wanted to get myself a Canadian passport.  Ron objects to this idea because that means I will have to apply for a visa when I go back to my home country!  I agreed with him — I don’t want to lose my Chinese citizenship.  I don’t know if I can ever get it back if I lose it.   But my hormones were quite imbalanced at the time and I decided not to be the only one in my family who has special problems when we are planning our family vacations.  Those f**king visa application documents drive me mad!

So I applied for Canadian citizenship instead.  And about a year later, I got my Canadian passport after I vowed to be loyal to Her Majesty — there was no going back after your application was submitted.  I wasn’t feeling excited or anything during the citizenship ceremony.  But I was quite happy when I got my passport two weeks after.  No more visa shit!  (I hope this does not offend people as for my intention of getting Canadian citizenship.  I love living in Canada and the freedom it gives to me to tour around most of the countries without a visa.  If it is not enough, I love my Canadian husband and my Canadian-born son.)

But I also love the place where I was born and raised.  The food, the people and the culture.   Anyway, I had two valid passports,  one Chinese and one Canadian.  Canadian government allows for dual citizenship which is wonderful!  So I am still a legal Chinese passport holder.

But I know this illusion will not last long.  One day it will be torn up in front of my face.  I thought I had a very long time to be prepared for the truth — I renounced my Chinese citizenship quietly, automatically.

Ron has a meeting in Shanghai soon.  Both of my parents in Shanghai just had surgeries for their long term illnesses.  I want to take the opportunity to go to Shanghai with Ron so we can see my parents and let Danny meet his cousin and aunt.  One of the benefits of being jobless: you can go on a trip anytime you want.   This time, I am not the special one in the family, because 3 of us all need visas!  Since I am a visa application pro,  I took care of  our visa applications.

I have to say it is much a simpler process to apply for visas to China as long as you don’t ask for multiple entries.  I don’t need to waste paper to print out my last 6 months bank statements and provide crap such as the proof of itinerary.  But I was asked to bring my Chinese passport with me since this is the first time I have applied for a visa to China as a former Chinese passport holder.  I knew something was going to happen.

We arrived at Chinese Consulate located in downtown Toronto.  It was a long line.  Not even a minute later, Ron started to complain about the disorder.  As a human being used to a quiet life in Waterloo, he is not made for cities and crowds.  I told him this is the first test to go to China, if you can not even make it to the end of the visa application, don’t even think you can survive in Shanghai.  He went to China to visit my family with me once, he survived despite the endless complaints.  Shanghai is definitely not a place for him.   Finally we handed in our applications.  The visa officer told me that since my Chinese passport was still valid, he will have to destroy it.  I said OK.  I was prepared something like that to happen, but when he was using his scissors to cut my Chinese passport right in front of me, it hit me.

As if this is not enough, right at my side, Ron said: “You officially lost your Chinese citizenship, and remember, it is not Canadian government’s fault. “

Shit Danny’s Daddy said

Daddy called Mommy after dropping off Danny at daycare reporting what has happened.

“Danny was OK until some girl in the room went to hug him and kiss him.  Then he cried to tears asking for Mommy and Daddy.  I don’t know why.  But he will be thrilled if he gets hugs and kisses from girls after he grows up. ”

Mommy felt heartbroken upon hearing Danny has cried for her.  Then Mommy started to imagine what Daddy’s teenager time was like… as a nerd.  It is OK, Daddy.  Mommy was never that much popular either.

丹尼断奶记 –第二天

一晚无事。 早晨天还没有亮,丹尼开始了,“mommy,mommy”。  我在另一屋,默默地听着,希望他能自己睡回去。 可是丹尼越叫越响,最后把daddy也叫醒了。 我只好起来了,把他放到床上,真困啊。 多希望他能再睡会儿。 可是这家伙没有nana就不睡了。 我一看时间,才6点半不到。  没有办法,只能起床给他弄早饭去了。

上午,天气很好,带着丹尼到屋外玩他的小踏车,等他玩腻了,又领着他去了离家不远的playground.  快到12点了,我估摸着丹尼经过这一上午的拉练,应该是又饿又困了。  Msgç»™daddy,让他马上到Ye’s Sushi会合。

到达Ye‘sSushi,正值午餐高峰,好在我们常去,没等多久,安排入座。丹尼已经饿得猴急,指着桌上的wasabi就要吃起来。 这哪能吃?马上取出自备的cheese stick,他三下两下就嚼完了,还不够裹腹。 又嚷嚷起来。 好在Ye‘s Sushi上菜及时。 丹尼拿着牛肉串,鸡肉串,把自己的小嘴塞的满满的。 直到不能咀嚼,又全吐了出来。 。。。两岁的小孩。 我在一旁看得无比难受。 怎么才能让这傻小子明白,慢慢吃,这是all you can eat呀。

吃完,我载着丹尼回家,正琢磨,这棘手的午觉问题。 还没到家,往后视镜一看,丹尼已经目光呆滞。 我就在neighborhood多转了两圈。 丹尼已经进入梦乡。 我窃喜。 把车停在我家driveway。 关掉引擎。 车里有点闷,但是我又怕开窗会惊醒丹尼。 不知过了多久,一声惊叫把我唤醒,小祖宗醒了。 一看表,睡了有一个多小时。  丹尼不停地大哭,我抱着他,他出了一身的汗。我开始无比地自责,应该至少开点窗睡的。 这天非常大的太阳。 丹尼还是哭个不停,我已经不能思考。 把他抱到楼上,换了尿布,放到床上。 我到卫生间洗手,心想洗干净后,马上喂他奶,让他安静下来。 我手还没洗完,奇怪地发现屋里悄无声息。 我正十分诧异,莫非小祖宗着了?不可能啊,这才几秒钟呀。又等了一会儿,还是没动静。 我蹑手蹑脚地走进卧室,只见在一堆枕头当中,丹尼已经酣睡。

这一睡,就睡到了快六点。

丹尼醒来,daddy已经下班回家,mommy在厨房做晚饭。 daddy,mommy 都在,小宝非常地happy。 吃饭,玩耍,洗澡,照常,丹尼是daddy和mommy的宇宙小太阳。 我俩都不亦乐乎地围着他转呢。

晚上10点,就寝。 这次,我决定不要Ron先哄他睡, 因为结果也是可想而知的 — 丹尼声嘶力竭地要mommy。 灯一关,和mommy一起。 丹尼又开始了,nana, nana。 翻来覆去,在无数次的挣脱中,最后竟然爬到床外, 站在门边上,似有夺门而出之意。 我已经精疲力尽, 躺在床上看着他。 不过,丹尼看着我并没有阻止他的意思,可怜兮兮地又走回到床前,他可能是真累了。 我把他抱回床上,又跟他说nana wawa了。 丹尼还是哭闹,不过比刚才好多了。 双手搂着妈妈的脖子,小脸贴着妈妈,说bao, bao。 也不知什么时候,他学会了说bao。 这可是他说的为数不多的一个中文。我顿时融化,把他搂入怀中。 丹尼安静下来。 他的小脸贴着我的脸,他在枕头上,我怕压着他,所以我是撑着的。  这一姿势虽然甜蜜,可是我也支撑不了多久。 我动了,丹尼也动了。 又找nana, 小手钻到我的衣服里去找,幸好我有做了保护措施。

虽然又经历了些波澜,但是大风暴已经过去。 丹尼带着泪水,呼呼地睡了。

这第二天也算顺利,可这第三天就不行了。

丹尼断奶记 –第一天

丹尼一出生就是母乳喂养。 我还是比较幸运的,母乳喂养没有遇到太大的困难。 一眨眼,小丹尼就这么长大了。 虽然一直说要给他断奶。 可是每每看到丹尼躺在身边安静地享受着,就算刚刚的大哭大闹, 瞬间安宁,世界一片祥和。 母子连心,还有什么能比这份亲密更能联系母亲和宝宝的呢? 虽然我已经好几次都有些受不了,信誓旦旦地说明天就断!可是一想这说断就断了,这和平盛事的感觉那就再也回不来了。
可是这说断也就断上了。
周一晚上,照例丹尼沐浴更衣完毕,daddy给念故事,等待mommy洗漱完毕。 每每这时,丹尼很不给daddy面子,从来不在乎什么故事,恨不得让那本故事书和daddy一起瞬间消失。 哭喊着mommy, mommy… mommy一出现,小脸顿时绽放成一朵小花。 接着就是告诉daddy out 。 灯一关,开始享受和妈妈一起进入梦乡。 这晚,mommy洗漱完毕,出奇的安静。 只见丹尼躺在床上面带微笑,daddy告知故事书破天荒地给念完一遍。 一想,今天他在托儿所也就睡了一个小时左右,估计是真累了。 随口跟daddy一说,要不咱今天开始断奶吧。 daddy no doubt 答应了,因为我也从来没听他说个不字。

这随口一说,没想就真干上了。

灯一关,门一关,mommy is out。 丹尼已意识到情况的严重性,开始他的抗议。 我就来到Ron的office, 开始上网。 暗暗的对自己说,就给他15分钟,不行我就去。 5分钟,10分钟过去了,丹尼越哭越凶。 哭声开始变得歇斯底里了。 我的心开始流血。。。。 15分钟了,情况一点不见好转。 我也早就预料这个结果。 daddy是从来哄不了丹尼的。 这样下去,非得哭一夜。 我坐不住了,冲了进去。 丹尼稍稍安静下来,但马上说要nana。  我心想,我这如果妥协了,丹尼的泪水不是有白费了么。 我抱他,把他放倒,跟他说nana wawa 了。  这好,丹尼哭得更惨了。  我又想妥协,又给忍住了。  心想,坚持,坚持就是胜利。

丹尼左翻右翻,折腾来折腾去,终于, 慢慢地安静下来, 自己把手指放嘴巴里吮吸了一会儿。  翻了个身,搂着我的脖子,呼吸开始平稳。

丹尼就这么靠着我睡着了。 我的小宝,他也就是想离mommy近一点。

这第一晚,似乎不是特别困难,不过我还是高兴得太早了,革命远未胜利。

Me and snakes

We were watching an animation on Treehouse. The bear in the show was hanging out with a snake.

Snakes gross me out, even in animated form.
Me: “What’s the purpose of snakes living on earth? I don’t see any value of them except being ugly and dangerous…”
Ron: “Same purpose as you, to reproduce!”
I was left speechless, admiring myself for having married such a sane man….

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